It took me over a month to finally write this. In that time, I’ve asked for help more times than I’m comfortable with to coordinate summer housing in Athens, GA for my summer Associate position at the Athens-Clarke County Library. Now I’m here, and queer and still extremely scattered. I lost my phone on the way to Athens Pride today. It’s probably on the car floor of the kind people who saw me running to the 7 bus.
Twice now I’ve seen buses I was supposed to be on leave without me. It breaks my heart, but I’m also completely okay with it. I don’t know. Feelings are hard to untangle and community is vital. At Pride, there were people who tasked themselves with blocking the noise and visuals of the few Bible-toting protesters and I loved them for it. Without my phone, I somehow managed to find the North GA asexual group I found on Meetup and join them. Without my phone, I’m not nearly as self-sufficient as I thought I was. The floor has fallen out from under me in a new city, except that it hasn’t. I have people to turn to and I’ve learned how to ask for help.
I’m not crying, you’re crying.
Anyway, people on the whole are not as scary and conniving and dangerous as anxiety sometimes leads us to believe. That amount of trust I’ve had to put in myself and others today is proof enough of that for me. I still don’t know what all will happen this week, but I’m calmer than I was when my phone lost cellular data last year. I panicked then, and not even because there were people contacting me constantly.
There were not. But losing the possibility of contact put in high contrast how lonely I was and still am sometimes. Anyway, I love people and I love community and I love libraries. My first week this summer has been overwhelming and lovely and honestly physically taxing, but I’m moving. Finally. And that’s what matters to me.
….infinite love + peace … Tulani Kiara
The Ultimatum: Queer Love–The reality show I didn’t know I needed. Kinda wish the word queer in the title extended to centering queer relationship structures in addition to queer people. But also I cried watching this last night. I always say (to myself) that I need more masc wlw(women-loving-women) representation and HERE IT IS. Right here. The Xander-Yoly-Mal thing….just WOW
Grey’s Anatomy–The ultimate trauma comfort show!! Love seeing Meredith develop into a loving human being!! Love seeing Christina discover she actually cares abt people!! Love seeing Callie and Dr. Bailey period. This is my 3rd watch of the series in preparation for the new season to FINALLY be watchable on Netflix and I am living. I truly do not know where I would be without Grey’s Anatomy
Fanmail by TLC–This is my lonely gurl anthem? or bop?? I don’t know, but “just like you, I get lonely too~~”