Do you ever get that flash of love for existence? I’m having one of those today. It is July 8, 2022 and I am researching tarot and rootwork (African American Southern Magick) on JSTOR and downloading so many pdfs the site seems to think I’m a bot. I am not a bot, I just love access to knowledge. I downloaded 55 in all. Maybe I’m overzealous, maybe I’m just zealous enough hehehe. I’m excited to look into magicks from Guyana and Texas, where my ancestors are from on both sides of my family. I’m excited to use what I learn to create informed art, namely my own tarot deck.
I was so bitter and burnt out when school ended, I forgot that I actually look researching things! I’m already plotting how to get to the auburn research library in Atlanta so I can access books in the archivessss. I’M SO SOOOOOOOO ready to actually work and actually make progress I feel like the energy I haven’t been able to access all year is coming back all at once and I don’t know what to do with all of it. Like maybe there is a method to my madness. Maybe my buying so many tarot and oracle decks recently INCLUDING (and honestly spurred on by) the special edition of Tillie Walden’s the cosmic slumber tarot I bought that I only knew about because of the copy at the Schulz Library at CCS.
I do believe in magic and balance and I know deep pain is part of that- right now it feels like the wheel of fortune has turned back around, at least for my career. I think it’s because I’m facing my destiny for the first time. I’ve always wanted to be an artist and I’ve always had a difficult time sharing my art. Either my work was “bad” or sharing felt icky or I was deeply ashamed of it because it was mine.
I’m an artist. I can claim that now. I see sharing as a gift. I built myself a foundation this year. I trust my own worth now. No one can take that away from me, even if they hate my magic. I was so scared of sharing because I know there are people who hate me for existing, whether for Blackness, queerness, disability- maybe all three. There are people who love me too. They’re the ones who matter and they’re the ones to look at — like those cliché scenes where someone on stage scans the crowd nervously for their person then their eyes light up and their gaze grows determined. Anyway I’m destined to be a storyteller. What are you destined for?
I learned a lot from Ace by Angela Chen – including that I’m on the ace spectrum. Like sex is great as a concept but I do not understand entering relations with another human being, especially one I barely know. I know when people are attractive but I don’t want to touch them. Good stuff. Anyway, I love the idea of queerplatonic relationships. I love people taking care of each other.
I found Lucky 7 for free on YouTube movies and it is a gem of an early 2000s romcom. It even has my fave trope FAKE DATING. I didn’t know there were fake dating movies I hadn’t found yet…much to think about. Anyway this 28? year-old woman takes the timeline her dying mother draws for her when she’s 7 as a guide to her whole life NO DEVIATIONS. The problem comes when she meets the “perfect guy” but he’s boyfriend number 6. I love how funny this premise is- I love grief, and memory, and messy love. Even more perfectly, this movie is set in Seattle AND has Dr. McDreamy from Grey’s Anatomy as the main lead...need I say more?
Also found Penelope on YouTube- a beautiful, amazing modern fairy tale that made me have a crush on James McAvoy…not a lot just a lil bit (swoopy hair is one of my weaknesses, as is kindness). Also, the message of the whole movie is to LOVE URSELF. It’s cheesy and sappy and cute and it makes me happy!!!
My cousin recommended Finch, an adorable self-care app where you raise a baby bird as you meet your real goals. I love it!! You can dress your birdie up in cute outfits and send ur friends hugs. if you join or have it already, pls use my friend code PEXPRYNTZ8 as a referral in the settings. Hope to see you there soon!
infinite peace + love,
Tulani Kiara <33